One of the greatest things about Facebook is the ability to virtual people watch. What ever strange or annoying personality traits people have in real life are amplified online for all the world to see and the same kind of people that annoy me in real life, really annoy me online.
I’m no web God, or Social Media expert like most of the population of Twitter users seem to be..and while we are on that…doesn’t it seem strange, almost cult like, how everyone on Twitter is a “Social Media Expert” who “Leverages the power of Networking Platforms to empower businesses and brands to secure new markets and demographics”, yet when you go to their blog, it looks like no one is home.
It’s like some kind of weird online bastardization of the Stepford Wives where everyone is programmed to do the exact same thing, the exact same way.
One day I’d like to see a count on how many times the words “Social Media Expert”, “Leverage” and “Empower” are used on bio’s across the Twittersphere…it has to be staggering. It’s the new “Day Trading”.
Now don’t get me wrong, I think Twitter and Facebook are the Bee’s Knees (see 1920’s American slang) and I’d probably sacrifice your pinky finger to get a piece of them in my pocket, but when you have a large cross section of society in one place, there are going to be a few knobs that stand out that either make it frustrating for everyone to enjoy, or hilarious at the lack of social skills and common sense of the people that walk among us.
I am annoyed by all kinds of people in the “real world” but the ones on Facebook that really stand are:
People who post or send you their game scores.
Who ever thought that is would be a cool feature, was dead wrong.
I have nothing against the fact that 8 bit games from the 1980’s excite you more now than they did then, but the rest of us really don’t give a crap what level you are on. Even when I was a kid, I didn’t call all of my friends every time I got a Pacman key, or the high score in Defender (and that was a hell of a lot harder than how long you can sit there and click a mouse) . So now as an adult, do you really think I care about your mindless time waste?
If you want to impress me, finish Hitman 2 or Splinter Cell .
Why not just post an update that say’s, “It’s the middle of a weekday and I have nothing better to do”, or “This is how I spend my Saturday nights”. At least that’s entertaining.
People who use their kids photos as their profile photo
This shouldn’t even be allowed. How incredibly short sighted, and selfish of you to volunteer your kids image to be the face of your profile. How would you feel if your parents used your photo on their profile..never mind the fact that you are 35 years old…or if your grandparents used your image on the AARP forums instead of their own?
Yes, we know that you are proud of your kids and that they are your life. But as one who has a couple of Facebook Pages, many geared for adults, do you know how strange it is to look at your fan group and see a photo of an 8 year old little girl..who by all rights shouldn’t even have a Facebook page?
With all of the ways your Facebook profile photo can be shown on the internet (ie: logging on outside websites with your Facebook credentials, or search engine results), why would you syndicate your child’s photo around the web in your name?
This is just another example of how kids are subject to the dangerous stupidity of their parents. For years people have protected their kids, hidden information about them, registered and finger printed them, put GPS on them and taught them the dangers of strangers and predators. All of a sudden Facebook comes along and all of that is out of the window and we are now posting our kids photos (and names) all over the internet, what school they go to, scout troop they belong to and all of their activities (with photo documentation) for all the world to see.
As parents, you monitor their online activities, and have parental controls to make sure that they are not giving information out on their own, but it’s O.K. if you post up their information on your public profile.
What if kids posted pictures of you and your activities on their kids forums and chat rooms or just took them to school for ’show and tell’? You would probably loose your mind.
The “sexy” photo people
First of all…the people that try the hardest at the sexy photo and usually the ones that look the most ridiculous. Second, this is only acceptable if you are a model, aspiring model (and you actually have some talent) or actually work in the entertainment industry. I never thought of Facebook as a pick up or dating site, so seeing regular people do the sexy pose on a public forum seems about as out of place as Zebra walking through a casino wearing a top hat.
Even funnier, are the “out at the club” photos that women love to post in their profile. Within this group of photos, there is inevitably going to be the Booty Shot picture… You know…the club photo where women turn their backs to the camera, looking back over their shoulder, arch their back, and stick out their derriere? Those photos always remind me of a clip I once saw as a kid on Mutual of Omaha’s ‘Wild Kingdom’ of the female Mandrill in heat .. make up and all.
The “Follow every stupid catch phrase” people
Not a day goes by that I don’t get one of these Facebook messages: “Your dumb ass friend just joined the page ‘Bro’s before Ho’s’ and thinks that you should join too”. So in the beginning I’d venture over to the page in question thinking maybe someone started a page about friendship or dating or something that warrants the name, only to get there and find that there’s nothing there. Some idiot just named a page with a stupid catch phrase or 5th grade grasp of the obvious and nothing else, and all of these other idiots are giving it the thumbs up as if the person discovered the formula for cold fusion or something or something that no one has ever heard before.
The most annoying part is…these are some of the most popular pages on Facebook. The non-pages with nothing on them. If aliens from another world visited our planet and observed such mindless cult followings, they would think that we are a planet of idiots. A million people will follow “Don’t you hate when you loose a sock in the dryer”-yet the average Congressman or Senator can only muster a few thousand constituents…mostly because most people have no idea who their Congressman or Senator is..but they’ll sure join a page bitching about them.
The ‘posing with my car’ people (dudes)
This one is really sad, because it’s mostly men, and it’s never anything like a cool brand new Maserati, it’s always some dude who scraped up enough cash to buy a used Corvette or an ‘86 Porsche fixer upper. It was a looser move on My Space and years later, it’s still looser move on Facebook. Men that pose with their cars are basically saying:
- This is my greatest accomplishment
- I still live with my mom, or else I would have posed in my home.
- I’m fishing and this is my bait
- I can barely afford the payments, so, riding in this car is the date.
Women do it too, but most times women will pose on the car of an old boyfriend, or some guy they know with a cool car. This is actually even more pathetic because they are proudly showing off a car that they don’t own, but think being around it is some kind of status symbol. Honey let me be the one to tell you..it’s really not. Back in the day we used to call that “Jockin’”….short for “hanging off of peoples jock strap”: Using the accomplishment of others to make yourself look important.
Guys, if you are dating a women and she’s still showing off photos of her old boyfriend’s car, you can pretty much see where your relationship is going.
The exceptions to the rule are people that work with cars, in the auto industry or belong to car clubs.
It’s actually cool when it’s people that do stuff with cars like racing, and daredevil stuff. However, if you aren’t that guy, posing in your BMW jacket just looks obvious and desperate to impress.
The ‘my privacy’ people
When was the last time that someone offered you something for free, that wasn’t an exchange to market or advertise to you? Most people wouldn’t post their name and photo on a supermarket bill board, and they freak out when they loose their drivers license…but have no problem posting the same information and more online, along with up to the minute updates, for millions to see.
If you want privacy online stop putting personal, private information on free, public websites. DUH! And for Pete’s sake people, don’t use one email address for everything, including personal and business communications. Get a clue.
The ‘no photo’ people
It’s called FACEbook for a reason. It you don’t want to connect, or want anyone to recognize you, why bother?
The ‘couples photo’ people
C’mon. How old are you? I expect this type of nauseating display from adolescents who are new to actually touching the opposite sex, but not from grown people. What’s next, a couples drivers license photo?
This is in the same category of people who can’t have a normal conversation without constantly referring to their boyfriend, girl friend, or fiance’. It’s the equivalent of wearing their face on a T-shirt.
When little kids hold hands it’s cute.
When older people dress alike on vacation, it’s heart warming.
When grown assed people in their 20’s-50’s can’t even have a Facebook profile where they are not joined at the hip, it’s disturbing.
In conclusion, what you do online is becoming part of your offline life. It’s not unheard of for prospective clients or employers to check out your online presence and FaceBook is a readily available look into your personality.
Facebook can be a lot of fun. It’s great for catching up with old friends, business networking and so many other things including it can be an incredible time suck. But we need to start thinking more about the overall picture and not just live in the moment and post an update every time we take a poop.
The web is public and accessible to just about everyone in the world.
It’s important to remember that it is not your own private Idaho.
* Originally posted on Blabb It New York
Fugg-It!! Before the Kings of Comedy there was A King of Comedy.Redd Foxx.
